How Bad Was 0-7, Really?

I really don’t have a gauge for this.

While I certainly have had really high expectations for this Tigers team, I don’t know what sort of expectations I’d specifically have set for the first two series, but for that team to go winless for the first week of the season against two teams not necessarily loaded with high-priced talent was a bit disappointing. Despite that, had they won but two of those first six, it would have been easy to just shrug it off as a rough start.

Seven in a row, though? Well, it does draw attention, doesn’t it?

I don’t want to say I thought this would happen, but I did tell a friend on Opening Day to recall the Yankees team a few years back with a line-up predicted to set new offensive records, yet struggled early in the season and had to battle to get back in contention late in the season. Maybe I was just trying to temper our own excitement over what appears, on paper, to be a sure-fire contender providing a lot of production at the plate.

Maybe.

The fact of the matter is that the Tigers are definitely capable of winning the next six games and evening the record at .500 in the wake of tonight’s first win over the Red Sox. They have that kind of talent. I still am not really worried about this team’s fortunes for 2008.

Losing seven in a row to start, though…well, it does give a glimmer of doubt. Let’s just hope it was a trick of the light.

How are people missing the boat with Dontrelle?

There seems to be a very common theme when baseball pundits talk about the Detroit Tigers’ acquisition of Dontrelle Willis in the blockbuster deal that also brought young superstar Miguel Cabrera to Motown.  That theme is that they don’t think he’s going to be great for the Tigers.

This isn’t even especially thoughtful analysis. Willis has seen a significant decline in his results the last few seasons. When you factor that with the fact that he’s moving to the more-powerful offensive league, it’s a simple math problem that seems to equal ‘not great.’

What seems to always be forgotten, however, is that Willis was not acquired to be the ace or even a second ace for the Tigers rotation. I’ve seen him projected as late as number four in the rotation.

Now, if you want to say that it’s disappointing for a young, former Cy Young winner to be no better than a fourth starter for a contender, that’s fine.

However, I’d be willing to bet that he’s going to be one of the best fourth starters in the AL this year and what more do you need from the fourth guy in your rotation.

In case you’re one of those people, please pay attention here: The Tigers are not counting on a return to dominance from Willis this season.

Okay? Get that?

Certainly, everyone is hoping for a better year than what he had last year, when he won 10 games with an ERA over 5.00.  That’s certainly not worthy of your staff ace, but from a deep-in-the-rotation guy, you’re not going to complain about that, especially when the guy logs over 200 innings.

But then, let’s go ahead and assume that he won’t be facing the same caliber of pitchers from the fourth slot. Would it be unreasonable to extrapolate that into at least ten wins, despite the switch in leagues?

Is there a chance that going from being the franchise’s most-identifiable player in Florida to a roster loaded with stars with big-time name recognition could relieve maybe a little bit of pressure? Could less pressure to carry the team help lower that ERA, even a little bit?

And, without making excuses for a guy who’s known to not make excuses, there were reports that he may have pitched through some nagging injuries last year. Take that for what you will, but when a guy who pitched as well as Willis struggles a bit, it sometimes can be something other than a sudden degradation of skills and having somehow forgotten how to pitch.

Somehow, I hear people using Willis as one of the reasons the Tigers are suspect as contenders, despite the ridiculous batting order they’ll trot out nightly. It seems to have turned into one of those bits of wisdom someone said and sounded good enough to some to be repeated ad infinitum, without really analyzing the situation.

Now, let’s say Willis comes out and lays an egg completely. How badly would he have to pitch to really drag the team down?

Eh, I don’t even care to speculate in that direction. I’ve been a fan of the guy since he started dominating his rookie season. I’m glad to have him.

So just remember, when August is getting old and Willis has already won a dozen games or so, I laid it out for you like this and, while I asserted that we weren’t relying on a bounce-back season to carry the team, it certainly will have been nice to let it make things even more fun through the summer.

Let the Games Begin

The game against Florida Southern not withstanding, today was the debut of the new-look Detroit Tigers in a Spring game.

Now, if you look at it the right way, the game was an unqualified success.

We all know the bullpen is the first target for those looking for flaws on this year’s edition of the Tigers. You have to work entirely too hard to take issue with the line-up and the rotation, though far from perfect, stacks up as well as any in the American League.

And today, my fellow Tigers fans, the bullpen did what it was designed to do.

After Jeremy Bonderman allowed one run in each of his two innings to start the game, Jason Grilli and Zac Miner each threw two hitless innings on the way to a 4-2 Tiger victory.

Of course, you don’t take much from wins and losses in the Grapefruit League. Bonderman, in fact, was “more than happy” with his outing because his “arm felt fine.” I guess you chuck that 9.00 ERA for the day out with the fact that the Tigers regulars mustered but one hit on the chilly afternoon (a Magglio Ordonez single).

I’ll go ahead and trust Bonderman that he got out of his day what he felt he needed, but I’d certainly have preferred he didn’t give up four hits and a walk in just two innings to a Mets line-up that featured a whole bunch of names you won’t be seeing in the box scores this summer (well, not in the MLB box scores…you know what I mean).

Grilli and Miner are likely to be the two guys who pick up some of the load with Joel Zumaya still out and now with Fernando Rodney apparently having some shoulder issues. It was important that they succeed today. There are a lot of guys who can enter the season with confidence because they will be asked only to do what they’ve done throughout their careers. Grilli and Miner are going to be asked to step into new roles and with more success than they had in 2007. I think it will be good for them to build some confidence with solid performances this spring.

Today was step one.

Now, let’s get them bats warmed up. It’s time to take the new engine out for a test run.

Throwing in the Towel

Before the hopefully-glorious baseball season of 2008 even sees its first split-squad spring game, coach Rod Marinelli has already killed my hope for the 2008 NFL season.

“Jon’s (yes THAT Jon) going to start for us,” he inexplicably revealed in Indianapolis while attending the draft combine.

Just in case you’re thinking it can’t possibly be Jon Kitna in the thought that it would be beyond ridiculous that Jon Kitna would even be considered for the job, much less handed it this far in advance of training camp, well, you’re wrong.

Kitna is the Lions’ 2008 starter under center.

Well, I guess if you’re going to keep one of the least-successful executives in his position running things, why not allow Kitna to be the QB.

My real complaint is that they could have kept this under wraps until August. Let me at least look forward to the season until it actually begins, you know? It was bad enough to look at the overall lack of talent on the roster, the ineptitude in the front office, the promotion to offensive coordinator a man who’s never directed an successful offense to my knowledge, and the way the team played in the second half of the season and even try to hope that the Lions could even equal their win total of a whopping seven from this past year.

I’m at a complete loss. As bad as the Lions have been in my lifetime, I’ve never felt this completely hopeless about a team. Kitna has posted some impressive numbers in his tenure in Detroit, but, let’s be honest, a LOT of that has more to do with the schemes of Mike Martz than anything else. When Jim Colletto takes over and starts trying to ‘pound the rock’ with a porous offensive line and an oft-injured first-string running back, does Marinelli really expect this offense to continue to grow?  Anyone, but ANYONE who follows football even a little bit has to be a bit cynical about those prospects.

Is there anyone in the Lions’ front office who follows football? Anyone? Bueller?

Oddly enough, Matt Millen, also while in Indianapolis, came out and accepted his spot as the one to blame for the Lions’ woes under his watch.

“That’s part of my job — to get blamed, I’m OK with that,” said Millen. “It’s also part of my job to win. We haven’t done that”

Here’s the thing Matt: We’re well beyond looking for someone to blame. Let me catch you up a bit on something. We’ve BEEN blaming you. We’re not daft. We have watched you muck things up for a good long while now. Lions fans don’t really care anymore about who is to blame.

We just want to see some reason to believe. If you want to even begin on that, you have a chat with coach Rod tomorrow and tell him that, not only can he not have Jim Colletto as his offensive coordinator, but he also needs to find a better answer than Kitna at QB.

Look, there simply aren’t enough possible moves available out there to make this team viable for the 2008 season. Hence, it’s time to really scrap this thing and start building all over again. Kitna, for sure, is not going to be around for any sort of turnaround. He has one year left on his contract and the Lions would be insane to extend him beyond that.

Oh, shit. Wait…

Anyhow, let’s pretend that nobody in the Lions’ front office is dumb enough to keep Kitna on beyond 2008.

So…where was I?

Okay, so if you’re going to scrap the whole thing, which really is what’s needed here, let’s get a young quarterback out there to get some snaps. Please. If we have to watch our team take beatdown after beatdown, can’t we at least have the hope that the future leader of our team is learning along the way (and not from just holding a clipboard, either)?

None of this makes sense to me anymore.

I heard a Pittsburgh Pirates fan call into a show on XM Home Plate talking about how badly the Pirates fans get treated by their favorite team’s management.

“Pirates fans and Detroit Lions fans are the most-abused fans in sports,” the guy said.

You hate to feel sorry for yourself, but, yeah, we sorta are.

I mean, look at the big free agent pursuit made public thus far from the Lions: Al Wilson. He didn’t even PLAY last season! No doubt he was a good, solid linebacker for the Broncos a few years ago, but that was a few years ago. Again, the Lions mysteriously look to get older with seemingly no concern for developing all the young talent drafted by Millen.

Oh shit. Wait…

Again, how can you get excited about this team. Really, they had to overachieve to win the seven games they won last year, yet management is moving forward based more on the idea that they were but a few wins from a playoff spot. They clearly see things from a completely different perspective than do I.

I hope it is I who is wrong.

I hope.

Leyland on Cabrera: “He’s a man.”

Of course, he’s but a 24-year-old man, but a man in full, nonetheless.

By all reports, the young man also shed some pounds since the end of last season. While he hasn’t cared to address the issue, estimations are that he’s lost at least 15 pounds, presumingly in response to criticism last year that he was a bit overweight. From what I’ve read, he was somewhat hurt by the talk about his physique, despite turning out spectacular numbers at the plate.

Were the media reporting on me in a similar fashion, I’d probably have sulked with a freezer full of Ben and Jerry’s, but apparently Miguel prefers the gym.

We all have our coping mechanisms.

So, the kid with the sweet swing who has stirred up a ton of excitement for Tigers baseball that was already at 20-year highs slimmed down and looks to be in fantastic shape.

Maybe that will help his defense. He struggled a little at the corner last season, which was a defensive strength last year in Detroit thanks to Brandon Inge.

Have I mentioned my love for Inge?

Anyhow, everyone had to be happy to see the newly-acquired superstar arrive to camp early and fit. When looking for the negatives in the trade that shook the winter meetings, Cabrera’s weight was frequently sited.

I guess there’s that out the window, excepting that Jim Leyland wanted to caution his young slugger from getting too slim to the point where he loses power. After all, he wasn’t acquired to be a premier singles hitter.

What excites me slightly more than the way he addressed a perceived flaw in his game, is his excitement for being with the Tigers. I’m sure some of that stems from being in the clubhouse with two fellow Venezuelans, who are also friends, in Carlos Guillen and Magglio Ordonez. It also can’t hurt that he went from a Florida team struggling with another youth movement to a team but one season removed from a trip to the World Series.

“It’s like a dream come true,” said Cabrera about joining the Tigers. “It’s like my first day in the big leagues.”

I’m sure it’s going to take a little adjustment as he learns the pitchers in a new league, but I’m also sure that it’s won’t be too much of a hindrance. He’s a proven superstar in a line-up full of proven players. He’s really set up for success.

I’m also trying to not get too far ahead of things when I consider that Sheffield, Rogers, and Pudge are all likely to be off the payroll before Cabrera’s current contract expires at the end of 2009. I think they’re going to need a nice-sized pile of money to keep him around.

It’ll be nice to also be able to remind him of all the success he’s enjoyed personally and with a championship team to go along with all that cash.

Though, would he move to the outfield and let Inge take over third?

A guy can dream.

Speaking of the Bullpen…How about Mantei?

The early reports on Matt Mantei sound fairly promising.

There is no question that the Mantei has the pedigree of a guy who could really bolster the one area that makes baseball pundits cautious about picking Detroit’s fortunes for the upcoming season: the bullpen. He collected 29 saves in 50 appearances for the Diamondbacks back in 2003, blowing only three save opportunities.

Oh, and he struck out 68 in his 55 innings.

The downside is that, even at only 34 years-of-age, he’s suffered several injuries and has already been out of baseball for a little while.

He last pitched in 2005.

“Matt impresses everybody all the time,” manager Jim Leyland said. “He’s got a great arm. He’s been blessed with a great arm. Health has always been his issue.”

And, if it’s good enough for Leyland…

I guess I’m cautiously optimistic, but I’m still a little stung from the Troy Percival era, so forgive me Matt. I’m pulling for you for multiple reasons, but I’ll keep it tempered until, say, October.

Now we have two guys with past success fighting to prove themselves for the upcoming season.

That doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me.

So, when I hear that his fastball was topping 90 mph routinely in his first mound session of the spring, I think, “Okay, but what happens after five or six sessions?,” but I also think, “Kick ASS!”

Such is the thought process of a guy who spent the entire 90’s thinking, “Okay, this is the year they turn it around.”

You can’t take my view of the Tigers completely seriously.

“I Will Prove This World Wrong”

If you’re a Tigers fan, you likely fell in love with Joel Zumaya at some point during the 2006 season.  The kid burst onto the baseball scene in Motown with flames tattooed on his forearms and a 103-mph fastball that dazzled in the year that also saw the awakening of Detroit as a baseball town.

Sorry Mr. Ilitch, but I suspect that you knew the whole time that, while ‘Hockeytown’ was a great marketing movement and helped feed the frenzy for the Red Wings along with the continued success of the city’s NHL franchise, Detroit has always been a baseball town in its heart of hearts.

I guess I should also thank you for helping right that wrong.

However, we are here today to discuss the future of Mr. Zumaya and his potential role in the renaissance of Tiger baseball.

Were it solely dependent on his determination, I’d like our chances of having a long-term dominant closer as soon as he finishes his rehab.

Is anything ever that simple? Ms. Winehouse?

“No! No! No!”

Luckily, that song has not been featured on any of the Guitar Hero games, the playing of which began the troubled times for our young superstar.

Oddball injuries to professional athletes always get a lot of press. When Joel was unavailable for three games of the ALCS due to wrist problems from too many hours put in on the faux-guitar’s whammy bar while playing the game, it went beyond just sports news.

Luckily, it would be really hard to peg the 2006 World Series loss to the St. Louis Cardinals on Zumaya.

Unluckily, Zumaya followed that incident with a much more serious injury-this time to his shoulder-requiring surgery.

The story goes that he was helping with the moving of some boxes at his parents’ home in the San Diego area to help prepare to flee approaching wildfires.

Apparently, there has been some question as to the validity of the claim of the source of the injury, though, I’d not heard any.

There also has been, apparently, some doubt if Zumaya can return to form once he returns to action.

Hence the note Zumaya has taken with him to Lakeland to help remind him of his goals for the upcoming season that says only, “I will prove this world wrong.”

I don’t know what he’s going to have available to him after shoulder surgery, but I, for one, really hope to see a return to form where the opening notes of Jimi Hendrix’s ‘Voodoo Chile’ precede the big fireballer (though, slightly less big due to some weight loss in the offseason…nice job Joel!) sprinting to the mound as he cannot wait to serve up a steady diet of pitches that keep opponents uncomfortable with their swings.

In all honesty, the bullpen will need some help this season. It would be a huge relief if Zumaya is able to deliver similar production to that he showed during the 2006 campaign that got him noticed nationally by baseball folk for things that had nothing to do with ridiculously addictive video games.

Good luck Joel. We look forward to you proving the doubters wrong.

Dear Roger, Brian, and Congress…STFU!!!

Because pitchers and catchers report tomorrow and the baseball talk can finally (hopefully) get back to the actual game.

I do think the issue of steroids in the game is important and should continue to be addressed, but I’ve had more than enough of this nonsense clouding up my ears during what little time I have to spend with my XM radio tuned to channel 175: XM Home Plate.

I can barely believe that I had to listen to congressional hearings today. Given a second option, I’d have listened to the normal programming. I’d rather hear discussion about where the acquisition of Erik Bedard puts the Seattle Mariners in the American League pecking order, or whether the Colorado Rockies were wise to sit on their hands in the off-season and stick with what got them to the World Series last season and hope the magic repeats itself.

Hell, I’d even take more of the insane Yankee talk about how their pitching has become a strength based on the nearly 12o career innings put up between Joba Chamberlain, Phil Hughes, and Ian Kennedy.

Personally, I don’t want to be the one to point out to the NY fans that maybe it’s been a little too long since they’ve had to try to develop young pitching and have, therefore, perhaps forgotten that it’s never a sure thing with those guys. Let’s just let them get their hopes up and then CRUSH them when they lose 90 games!

With the hearings over, for now, can we move on from this sick-o reality television look into the seedy background of some of baseball’s worst stories and get into talk about prospects who might make the big league club and how teams are going to fill out the back of their rotations?

Hell, we might can even talk about fantasy baseball draft strategy. How about making predictions for awards and division titles? There are several players who are going to achieve career milestones this year (some of them maybe even without having cheated!); that’s always worth a look forward into summer.

As for me, I’m going to do what I normally do and declare tomorrow my official, “I’m tired of all this winter b.s.” day and start daydreaming about chasing ballgames around the greater Phoenix area, despite all the gray clouds and blah feeling in the air.

That is the actual weather in Seattle, by the way. It’s not some artsy metaphor referring again to the Clemens mess. I’ve moved past that. Remember?

In fairness, there are at least five things I DID like…

I’m generally a positive person, so it should not go unsaid that there were also some good things to come out of the Giants’ upset victory over the Patriots.

5. The host of the Super Bowl party I attended is a life-long Giants fan.

When a good guy opens his home to others to consume beer and watch football, even to the semi-annoyance to his wife-to-be, you have to tip your hat to the guy. Hence, to my gracious host, ‘Thank you for the hospitality, food, beverage, and entertainment in the form of a halftime beer-drinking contest during which several participants dumped entire cups of beer over their heads. And, of course, congratulations to your team’s victory.’

4. I actually like a lot of the New York players and Tom Coughlin.

Even though Michael Strahan took a poorly-worded shot at the Lions after beating them at mid-season, I’ve always found him to be pretty engaging in his television appearances. He seems a fairly affable guy for a complete terror on the football field.

I probably can find a better word for my feelings toward Eli Manning than ‘like,’ but it will do. While I didn’t care for how he and his father manufactured his trade to New York so he could be a big star on a big stage, I think the criticism he took throughout the year went a little overboard. I did actually begin to feel sorry for him, even while I laughed when he would make the Eli Manning face after (yet another) blunder.

The fact is that there aren’t really that many really good quarterbacks in the league right now. Eli is certainly not among what small number there are, even in light of his playoff run, but he’d already shown more promise than many who take less abuse from the fans and media in their own markets.

Of course, he should now be able to cruise on his one big drive for a good long time. Look at Joe Namath. Does anyone remember that he was pretty much awful after Super Bowl III?

Broadway Eli? Okay, probably not, but I see a lot of free meals in his future.

Coughlin also just seems like a good football coach. I’m sure it’s hard to rule with an iron fist over a bunch of guys with whom you probably have little in common outside of football and many of whom make a whole lot more money than you do.

But he made it work.

I keep hearing talk about how he changed the way he dealt with his players and how that made all the difference.

Do people in his type of elevated position really change? Really?

I’m guessing all that was a bit exaggerated, if not flat-out imagined out of thin air. Since when do football coaches ‘change.’ They might ‘make adjustments’ from time to time, but they get to the pinnacle of their profession by maintaining what works.

Plus, Plaxico Burress and Justin Tuck are just plain cool. I don’t care what team they play for (except when they play against the Lions, of course). They are great.

3. What if ‘Spygate’ ends up to show the Patriots really were gaining an advantage by video-taping as prohibited by NFL rules?

I don’t really believe there is as much smoke to this story as that dopey congressman from Pennsylvania wants to believe, but there does seem to be at least a little smoke over there.

Whatever the case, the Patriots did seem to morph from national darlings back when they started this run of excellence into the team everyone loves to hate. There are many factors to this, but the ‘Spygate’ thing is about as valid a reason to dislike them as any. If anything does come of it, it will be nice that they didn’t finish undefeated.

2. Mercury Morris still gets to run his mouth, but Tiki Barber has to STFU!

You KNOW it’s eating at him. He certainly could have played another year. I don’t think you can argue that, talent-wise, the Giants would have suffered from his being on the roster.

Of course, it could be argued that it was the ol’ ‘addition by subraction’ at work. You certainly don’t get the feeling that Tiki was a great leader among his former teammates.

All the bad-mouthing of Eli and Coughlin now just seem like the inane ramblings of a bitter ex-player. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear it at the time. It just felt a little slimy, so it’s somewhat just that nobody is going to want to hear his opinions about the Giants anymore.

They went out and proved Tiki to be no more than another talker with no real valid insight into the 2008 Giants team who turned out to be better off without him.

Also, add Jeremy Shockey to that list. I get tired of all his ‘roid-rage, look-at-me antics. I never want to see a guy get hurt, but it’s okay with me that the Giants played better without him on the field, despite his obvious talent. Why he gets a free pass for acting the way he has in the past is beyond me.

Actually, I have theories, but that’s for another day.

1. That fourth quarter…

I know I laid down a general dislike of the quality of the game yesterday, but I really was just frustrated with the most of it.

The fourth quarter rocked. I don’t have to tell you that if you watched it. It was exciting as it gets.

Now, I am not the sort who sees the end of the game and says by default, “Man, that was a great game.” I shall stick to my contention that the game was played somewhat listlessly by the eventual losers and that the champions fielded just one outstanding unit.

Of course, it was the emergence of the New York offense that provided the great finish, but even that was less about sharp execution and a few plays that just made it seem like maybe the Football Gods had seen the controversial videotapes, were sick of Bill Bilichick, thought Tom Brady was having it just a little too good, and decided Manning and Coughlin were due for a break.

It was a great finish, even if the game otherwise stunk.

Otherwise, pitchers and catchers report in, what, nine days? I’m ready. Goodbye football until August (you know, except for college recruiting, the draft, and all the free agency stuff).

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hated This Year’s Super Bowl

Despite having no real ties to either team, I found myself extremely disappointed with the way things ended. In fact, I was quite surprised by how hollow I felt at the end of the game. Hence, I spent time delineating exactly where those feelings originated.

Here’s what I decided.

10. I wanted to see what would have been the culmination of a historical season.

I was alive when the ‘72 Dolphins ran the table, but not nearly old enough to remember any of it. In fact, the first sporting event I remember individually is probably the Magic vs. Bird NCAA title game. Hence, I was excited to see 19-0 go down. I can’t think of anything that could happen in the NFL that doesn’t involve the Lions that would hold my interest nearly as well as did the quest for perfection. I was disappointed enough when the Colts couldn’t get it done when they looked like they truly should have. It’s so much worse when a team gets within a few minutes of getting it done.

I was surprised by how many people were hoping for the Giants to knock off the Patriots to keep them from achieving the record. You always expect there to be a certain amount of hater-ism, but you even heard fans of teams who consider the Giants an arch-rival lining up to get on the bandwagon.

I’ve tried to imagine a circumstance under which I’d root for the Bears/Viqueens/Packers to win the Super Bowl, and I could think of none. Rivalry should outweigh hater-ism.

9. Hater’s Paradise

I don’t care to see hater-ism pay off, whatsoever. Now you have all these people who wanted the Patriots to lose out of pure jealousy are lining up to laugh and point like Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons. So now, the haters get their way and are rubbing it in the face of the Patriots fans as if they just knew all along that the Pats couldn’t go 19-0.

Those people were sure pretty quiet for a few months. Now we have to listen to all that stored up hater-ism just flowing freely. The damn has been opened.

8. Giants fans are a bunch of bitches and do not deserve to celebrate this

Of course, it wasn’t all of them, but the fans who were NOT throwing Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning under the nearest New York City bus about six weeks ago sure were pretty quiet about their support.

In all sincerity, I never ripped Jon Kitna nearly as much as I heard fans ripping their coach and their quarterback. There was no shred of loyalty coming from Giants fans, in general.

But now, well, they’re heroes.

There’s just something wrong about all of that. It would be like your significant other was away from home for an abnormal amount of time on a bunch of nights and you start telling everyone she’s cheating on you and then, it turns out, she was planning a huge sports, alcohol, and gambling vacation for you and your buddies to Vegas and there is NO repercussions for all your thoughtless accusations and slander.

It’s just not right!

For the record, on the off-chance you’re among those fans who defended them through thick and thin, please, by all means, enjoy the achievement.

7. New York fans really don’t need more about which to carp

You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever had daily interactions from anyone who’s originally from New York.

Oh, New York is this and New York is that and “In New York…” and “Well, I’m from New York..” and go fuck yourself.

I could never understand why these people didn’t move back to New York, much less why they left in the first place.

I wonder whether New Yorkers hang out in bars and just keep telling each other how great New York is.

Yankees fans, regardless of what the topic is, cannot wait to tell you about 26 rings, even if they were alive for just a few of them.

“Man, it sure smells like bum piss around here.”

“26 rings, baby. You can’t argue that!”

6. Eli Manning gets the MVP, despite being quite ordinary most of the game.

It’s a story line that many wanted to occur. The idea of the two Manning brothers winning Super Bowl titles and MVP trophies in consecutive seasons makes a nice story, no doubt.

The only problem is, that wasn’t the real story of the game, was it?

You wouldn’t even have to be much of a football scholar to have seen that the Giant’s defensive pressure on Tom Brady was what kept the game so close while the New York offense struggled to score.

Someone owes Justin Tuck a trophy, Cadillac Escalade, a big thank you, and an apology. Replace him with a guy who has as mediocre a performance as did Eli, and the Patriots are still dancing in the streets.

I do wish to clarify that Eli deserves a lot of credit for not making the big mistake and leading his team to the game-winning score, but you shouldn’t get an MVP for being a good custodian. You do it for making a difference, which is what Tuck did all game long for the Giants.

Tuck didn’t get the recognition, but nobody was more valuable than was he.

5. Enough with the commercials, already.

This is more of a general gripe with the pop-culture portion of Super Bowl Sunday.

When did people get over the fact that advertisements are evil?

I used to think it was a joke that people got excited to watch the commercials. In fact, I found it annoying how some would haughtily claim that the ads were the best part of the day. I know that Super Bowl Sunday has largely become about a whole lot other than football, but can we at least TRY to keep football near the front?

Marketing is a huge part of the economy. I accept that. I can also appreciate when an ad is done cleverly and well. I just can’t get to the point where I get how people actually look forward to the part where they’re getting a sales pitch. That is not reasonable to me. I shall not accept it.

4. No team that struggles so mightily with this year’s Detroit Lions simply cannot be Champions.

Let’s face it, this year’s Lions were not too good. How they won even seven games is a bit of a mystery, beyond the fact that there were simply a lot of not-too-good teams in the NFL this year.

I honestly assumed the Packers were the closest thing to a true Champion in the NFC just because they slaughtered the Lions twice, while the Cowboys and Giants both escaped their games against Detroit with victories only when the Lions made every effort to hand the game over to them time and again.

That being said, I had the displeasure of seeing most of the Packers games this season and could simply not figure out how they kept winning most of their games.

Again, the NFL wasn’t really loaded with good teams, but still…

3.  Mercury Morris needed some comeuppance.

If you heard this blow-hard at all last week, you probably feel me on this one. I’m sure all the surviving members of that Dolphins team are somewhat protective of their status as the only ones to have achieved the perfect season, but none was as vocal and condescending as Mercury Morris.

By the time he showed up on ESPN dressing down some poor talking head, telling him that he couldn’t POSSIBLY understand the circumstances because the interviewer has never gone undefeated.

The irony of a convicted felon acting smugly superior isn’t lost on me. That’s just funny.

It was just so clear that Morris knew that, should the Patriots win, the public was going to consider them the greatest team in history, a title Morris believes with every ounce of his soul should always belong to the 1972 Dolphins.

It was also clear that he believed, like most others, that the Patriots were going to win number 19, so he needed to be out there defending his team’s honor at all costs. Now this no-class clown gets to celebrate. That’s not fun.

2.  How about that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers?

A bunch of old guys on the biggest stage in the world went out and bored 95 million people to tears.

It seemed like a good bet. Tom Petty has a great catalog of American favorites from which to choose. Who doesn’t like at least one Tom Petty song?

So, when “American Girl” started, I figured we were in for a treat.

Then…blah. It was just dull. I love me some good songs performed well, but for this sort of event, a little extra would have been nice.

Prince understood that and delivered.

And what the hell were they doing playing “Free Fallin’”? I damned near fell asleep.

1.  Speaking of boring, what a boring fucker of a game.

At least it wasn’t a blow-out, but the second and third quarters were dreadfully dull. I appreciate good defense and was really impressed with the play of the Giants’ defense.

What I didn’t like was the stagnation between the Giant offense and the Patriot defense. That was some boring-ass shit.

And then Manning gets the MVP.

Bitch.